


Shut my eyes before you leave

by Mooimagoldfish



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), UnDeadwood (Web Series)
Genre: Heartbreak, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I have a lot of feelings, I suck at tags, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pining, Rating May Change, rating to be safe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:21:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22902358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mooimagoldfish/pseuds/Mooimagoldfish
Summary: Clayton does what he thinks is right without considering the feelings for those around him
Relationships: Miriam Landisman/Arabella Whitlock, Reverend Matthew Mason/Clayton Sharpe
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> fic inspired by the song St. Marie by Stone Sour.

Clayton 'the coffin' Sharpe takes a look at Matthew. Reverend Matthew Mason is laying on his side with an arm and a leg around Clayton. The other mans head is resting on Clayton's chest. Gently he traces the scar along the right side of Matthew's face. 'He is too good hearted for a place like this' Clayton thinks, ' too good for me.' As gingerly as he can, Clayton untangles himself from the other man and gets out of bed. He gets dressed swiftly and takes along look around, trying to memorize the room and the man it belongs too.  
He walks down the stairs, out of the church and back to the Bullock Hotel without glancing back. He cant.. He grabs a bottle from Jonny at the bar and goes up to his room. He takes a drink straight from the bottle as he packs his meager belongings into the saddle bags. He grabs 4 scraps of paper and begins to write. This is how he says his goodbyes if he says any at all. He labels the letters and leave some gold next to them on the desk. His chest feels tight as he shuts the door to his room and goes down the stairs. Its about an hour before sunrise and probably many hours until what he has done is discovered. He saddles up Sadie, and with a last look at the Church of Deadwood, he mounts up and starts to ride West.  
  
\----------------------------  
  
Revered Matthew Mason rolls over sleepily and reaches out for the warmth of his lover. He finds nothing except cool sheets. The sun has already risen. That means that Clayton has already snuck back to his hotel. Got to keep up appearances and what not.. He wish they didn’t have to keep it a secret. Maybe one day they wont. Not like anyone in Deadwood would care. Deadwood has its own codes to live by. Number 1 is mind your own business.  
  
Matthew busies himself with making coffee and the getting dressed. He puts on a long sleeved button up shirt then pants and suspenders. He plans on doing some work on the church today and doesn’t want to dirty his cassock and collar. Going down stairs he unlocks the church and starts to clean out some of the debris that still remain in the center of the church.  
  
Around 11 or so Bella and Miriam swing by to say hello. They are escorted by Mr. Fogg. They exchange pleasantries and talk for awhile before deciding to go over to the Gem Saloon for lunch and a spot of whiskey. Lunch with the group is always a loud affair. Aly is making jokes and keeping an eye out for his girlfriend Anna. Miriam is dealing cards to everyone. Bella is asking Matthew how the church repairs are coming along.  
  
"They are going quite well thank you Miss Livingstin. The gold from Al sure does help. Its just a bit of slow going since I am doing it all myself" At this Miriam perks up, "Well Reverend why don’t you have Mr. Fogg and Mr. Sharpe help you? It would make the work go faster. Besides Lord knows Mr. Fogg doesn’t have anything better to do at the moment." Aly flips them off with no heat in the gesture. "I don’t mind helpin' out, none. So long as the good Reverend is willing to repay my generosity by I don’t know.. Buying me a few drinks?" Matthew laughs for a moment before saying, "Sure why not?" Still laughing because it seems that Aly has forgotten that they drink for free the Gem.  
They all finish their lunch and drinks and decide to collect Clayton from the Bullock so the men can get to work on the church. The saloon is fairly quiet most people either working or drinking elsewhere at the moment. They say Hi to Tim behind the bar and ask if they have seen Mr. Sharpe.  
"No cant say that I have. Jonny said he came in and went up to his room early this morning so I imagine he's having a lay in" Tim says while polishing a glass. "Yall are welcome to see if he's awake. Just make sure you don’t startle 'im. Don’t need Mr. Sharpe puttin' bullet holes in any of my walls or you for that matter."  
  
"Ill go grab him" volunteers Miriam and she goes up to the second floor of the hotel while Aly grabs a table and Bella orders a round for them all. "Mr. Sharpe. Its me ,Miriam. Ae you awake?' she says knocking. No response. "Mr. Sharpe?" She knocks harder and the door creeks open. She grabs her Deringer from under her skirts and walks inside Clayton's room. The room is neat and empty. The only things out of place are a half finished tumblr of bourbon, the stack of gold and 4 letters. Looking at the letters she sees that they are addressed to everybody in the group. Quickly she reads her letter, the one on top of the pile.  


>   
>  Miriam,  
>  Something tells me that you will be the one to find these. By the time you read this I will be long gone from the fucked up little town known as Deadwood. It is not safe for me to stay in one place too long. I do not want to put any of y'all in any danger. You never know when another bounty hunter will come after me. Give these letters to the rest of our little group. Give the Gold to Jonny, Tim or Sheriff Bullock to pay for my room. Stick with the others. They need you as much as you need them. I only ask 3 things. Please collect and destroy any wanted posters you may find. Sheriff bullock normally grabs them for me. Please forgive me for not sayin a proper goodbye. And most importantly. Do not try to find me.  
>  Its better for all of us that way.  
>  I have enjoyed your company and the compassion you have.  
>  Best regards,  
>  Clayton Sharpe
>
>> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the group discover what has happened and make a plan

Miriam takes a shaking breath as she clutches the letter to her chest with one hand. She grabs the glass of whiskey and drains it in one. The burn only adding to the ache in her chest instead of replacing it. She wipes a tear from her eyes and heads down stairs.  
She plops into a chair at the table doing her damnedest to put a smile on her face. The unshed tears give her away. Bella is laughing at Aly who just got beaten by Matthew in a hand of cards. Matthew turns to Miriam" Is Clay- Uhh is Mr. Sharpe, I mean, coming down" His eyes widen as he take in Miriam's watery eyes and forced smile.  
"I'm afraid not sugar. It seems Mr. Sharpe has made good on his threat to eventually leave town. He left letters for all of us. Now if you excuse me I need a moment then I need to talk to the barkeep" She wordlessly hands everybody their letters and gets up to talk to Tim.  
  
Aly reads his letter with a look of shock across his face.

Aloysius,  
You have a keen eye so stay on the lookout. You found me once, please don’t try and find me again. Protect the others.  
Have a good life my friend,  
The Coffin  


"Well damn…" Aly says putting his letter down. Matthew looks to Arabella who is silently crying, looking at her letter

  
Miss Bella Livingston,  
Stay on the lookout for weird shit. You never know what could happen in a place like deadwood. With your sharp mind you can solve any problem that comes your way. Be sure to ask for help when you need it. Don’t let Mr. Whitlock keep you down. I think you will do a great job as the new town Doc.  
Yours truly,  
Clayton Sharpe  


Matthew grabs the bottle and a glass and pours himself a very generous shot. He takes half of it. The hard liquor burning he throat. Making his eyes water more than they already were. He steels himself before reading the letter.  


Matty,  
The time has come for me to leave deadwood behind me. I cant risk my past catching up with me again. I barely made it out alive the last time. Besides who knows, the next bounty hunter may be a better shot than Mr. Fogg. Consider this my fucked up way of trying to protect you and the rest of the group.  
I don’t know what to say to make you feel better bout me leaving. There will never be anyone quite like you Matthew Mason. You are smart and brave and loyal. A much better man than you give yourself credit for. You have a big heart. Don’t let this or anything else turn you cold. Stick with the others. I they are good people. I trust them almost as much as I love you.

Love Always,  
Clay

Its easier to love you when I'm gone, but its hard for me to leave. You took my hand and gave me peace. And I’ll don’t think I'll ever be the same.  


Matthew read the letter once. Then twice. He put it face down on the table and reached for his glass again. He feels like he has just been sucker punched. His chest is tight. He cant breathe properly . His mind is absolutely spinning. Clayton loves him?!? But Clayton left! He has probably picked a new name and persona already…  
He looked at his companions. They are all upset. Talking quietly about the contents of their letters and what they should do now. Matthew is trying to keep his emotions level. He doesn’t want to reveal his hand just yet. He's not ready or very willing at this point to out himself to the others. With a big shuttering breath he says "if you'll 'cuse me. Needin' sum air." He grabs the bottle, gets up from the table and exists the saloon pointedly ignoring the calls from Aly and Bella. Miriam stops them from following them with a quiet, " Hush now. Give him some time."  
  
He opens the bottle again as he climbs up the stairs to his rooms. Matthew takes a quick look around his room looking for his rosary. He cant find the one he normally uses. 'Great' he thinks growing frustrated. 'Just great! This is the icing on the fucking cake' He digs around in his dresser and grabs a spare rosary. Its nothing like the one his mom once gave him, but it will do. Going back down stairs Matthew kneels in one of the pews. Rosary in his left hand bottle of whiskey in his right, he proceeds to pray and drink. The two sure fire things he has always leaned on when things get hard. Surely god will forgive him for drinking in the church.  
  
The door of the church opens. The soft sound like a shout ringing through the quiet of the church. He turns quickly hoping like hell to see Clayton. Just as quickly he returns to facing the front of the church when he sees Miriam, Aly and Bella.  
"Oh sugar." Miriam says as she pulls out a handkerchief. She dabs at the wetness on Matthew's cheeks. He hadn't realized he was crying. He pockets the rosary and sits back to look at everyone.  
" Thought you could only drink sacramental wine in a church reverend?" Aly says. A desperate attempt at humor. Bella smacks him. " Don’t think hell mind none" Matthew mumbles in reply. Miriam gently grabs the bottle from Matthews hands. "Now love, I know your upset but drownin' your sorrows ain't going to do any of us any good. What we need to be doing is figuring out where he might have gone and how we are going to find him"  
"Miriam. He said he doesn’t want us to find him"  
"Yes. But I for one am going to ignore that and go find him. Even if that means I have to haul him back here by his hair. Are y'all with me or not"  
Matthew sighs and says" I wouldn’t want to miss that sight. May as well try"  
"I'm with Ya missus Landismen" Aly says  
"count me in" Arabella adds

  
The group splits. Dividing up tasks so they can get everything together and leave quickly. Matthew grabs a few days rations for everyone. Miriam refills her flasks and grabs a few water skeins. Aly is getting horses and Arabella is asking around town to see if anyone saw Clayton leave.  
  
Around 3pm they all meet in front of the Bullock saloon and hotel. Arabella is breathless from all but running down the thoroughfare. "Katy saw him headed west" she wheezed. "Her and the other girls from the Bella Union were on the veranda smoking early this morning and she said she saw him ride by. She said that she had hollered a greeting at him but he didn’t reply. He only tipped his hat towards her and the girls and continued to ride west."  
"What's west?" Miriam asked.  
"I think Billings is west?" Matthew replied unsure.  
"It is west of here. Bout a 6 day ride if we are moving swift like. If I remember correctly. Its not a large place" Aly says. "I traveled out there a couple years back."  
"West it is" Miriam said her jaw firm.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first day and night on the road from both perspectives

They load their gear and mount up. They start out at a steady trot. Matthew wants to go faster but knows he cant wear the horses out so soon. Who knows how long it will take to find Clay.  
Matthew feels his chest constrict again. He still cant believe this is happening. He is hurt but also a part of him is angry towards Clayton. How could he do this? How could he do this to me? We shared so much with each other and then he pulls this shit! He takes a deep breath and does his best to calm down. This anger isn't helping anyone. He's not sure what he needs. Matthew is startled from his musings by Miriam riding along side him. "How ya holding up honey?"  
"I'm just fine" Matthew grumbled. The lie sliding off his tongue easily. She looks at him in the eyes and raises an eyebrow "You don’t have to lie to me Matthew. How are you really? Anything you say will be held in confidence. The others are too far ahead to hear anyways"  
" 'm hurt Miriam. I'm hurt and I may be a tad hungover" Matthew confesses quickly and quietly.  
"I cant believe Clay would do this."  
"He's a good man. I believe that Mr. Sharpe was doing what he thought was right by us. No matter what he thinks, he was wrong." Miriam says handing Matthew a water jug "We all care for him deeply. We will make sure nothing happens to Mr. Sharpe upon his return to deadwood"  
  
Its nearing sunset when they decide to make camp. Aly is groaning about his bad leg. Bella has switched into breeches instead of her usual skirts. Miriam is tending to the horses. Matthew lays out his bedroll and takes a seat by the fire before digging in his pack for his tin of chewing tobacco. "I'll take first watch" He offers. The other mutter their thanks as they roll into their own bedrolls. He looks up at the clear night sky. He finds solace in the fact that Clayton is probably looking up at the stars right now too. He stays sitting by the fire until the moon has risen higher in the sky. He tries to ignore the pangs in his chest and the stinging behind his eyes. Thankfully his headache is long gone. It’s a beautiful July night and the heat of the day has faded.

"You miss him dearly don’t you Matthew?" Its Arabella. A blanket wrapped around her shoulders.  
"I miss him as much as the rest of us I suppose" Matthew says quickly and a bit irritably. He's starting to grow tired of everybody checking up on him.  
"Don’t get cross with me Reverend Matthew Mason." Arabella bristles "I've seen the way the two of you look at each other. There's something more going on isn't there?"  
Matthew sighs and looks at Bella. " You could say that our relationship is similar to the one you have with missus Landisman."  
"Oh Matthew." Arabella says softer than before. "You could have told us, you know that right? We only care about your happiness, Claytons too. That’s why we are out here dear." Bella grabs Matthew's hand and gives it a sqeeze. "Let me know if you need anything. Now get some rest. I'll take over watch for a while."  
  
Matthew lets go of her hand. "Thank you" he whispers. He stands and stretches. He spits his tobacco out into the fire with a sizzling sound, He goes over to his bedroll, grab's the backup rosary from his pocket. The weight of the beads in his hand, a small comfort starts to pray. Hopeful sleep takes him soon.  
  
\---------------------  
Clayton stares up at the stars. His mom had once taught him the names of all the constellations. Leo, Draco, Ursa major and the rest. He looks at Polaris, the north star, and the to his right. East. Deadwood is east. Matty is east. He exhales and turns around. Looking back isn't going to help him. He rubs at the aching in his chest. He doesn't know how long this pain will last. He has never felt a pain quite like this since leaving his life behind 15 years ago. But 15 years ago he hadn't met Matthew Mason.  
Memories are flooding Clayton now. The snake demons. Zombie Wild Bill Hickok. Aly always being the life of the party at the Gem. Bella always kicking their collective asses at cards. Miriam be the stern and loving mother of the group. Always trying to keep everyone in line. His and Matthews first kiss in the church.  
Clayton put out the fire and lays out on top of his bedroll. Fingers grabbing at the rosary in his pocket. It was the only trinket from Deadwood he has. He fingers the worn beads. Finding comfort in this reminder of the reverend. 'He'll be just fine' Clayton thinks to himself. 'he's a strong man and has the others.'  
It feels like Clayton is lying to himself. He feels a heaping amount of guilt over leaving Matthew. This is for the best. Its not safe to stay in one place for too long. Matthew will find someone else one day. Someone who wont constantly endanger him. Tho se thoughts keep running through Clay's mind and it hurts like a bitch. He should have packed some fucking whiskey.  
Its hours before clayton falls into an uneasy slumber.  
  
I his dreams he is back in Deadwood. Up in Matthew's rooms above the church. The two of them are naked only covered to their waists with a sheet. No light except the dim light of the nearly full moon. Matthew rolls over and places an arm around clayton. His lover whispers something clayton cant quite make out into his hair and kisses the top of his head.  
  
"Matty.." Clayton breathes his lovers name. Clayton rolls over to find that he's not in Deadwood at all but out in the plains. Its nearly dawn. He grabs some hard tack and jerky from his pack before readying his Sadie. "Going to be another long day my girl." He says rubbing her neck and giving her some sugar cubes he had brought along. He looks at the sun rising before steering his horse away from it and continuing west.  
\----------------  
  
  
Matthew does not sleep well . He wakes often. Sometimes bolting upright Claytons name on his lips. First Bella and than Miriam would pat him on the shoulder, tell him that he's okay and to go back to sleep. Morning eventually comes. He can hear Aly whistling as he stirs oats over the fire.  
"Mornin' Rev!" he says cheerfully. Matthew gives him a look and a slow wave. 'I don’t understand morning people' he thinks as he gets up and starts moving. Miriam hands him a cup of coffee. He takes a sip. Ahhh. She put a shot of bourbon in it for him "Bless you my child"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 on the trail. Will they reach Clayton? Can the group convince him to return?

The group eat in almost silence. They mount up and set off continuing towards Billings. Towards Clayton. The horses are feeling themselves this morning. So full of energy so Matthew gives his horse. Lucky, his head. Lucky takes off into a lope and then a gallop. Normally Matthew enjoys the feel of a horse running underneath him. It’s the closest he will ever get to flying. Today he feels like he is back in the Calvary. Determined and on alert. He is hoping that this burst of speed will help close the distance between them and Clay. After and hour or so he slows to a walk. Patting Lucky telling him how great he is. The others slow their horses. Aly takes point once again so he can use his tracking skills to follow Clayton. A few minute pass before he sees Aly dismount and crouch down to look at something in the dirt. "What is it Aly?" Matthew asks hope blooming in his chest. "Got tracks here! Headed west. I think its him." Matthew lets out a breathe that he didn’t know he was holding. "Lets get back too it then." He says before handing out jerky and hard tack for everybody to munch on. Its getting to be around noon when they come across the remains of a camp sight. They all dismount and investigate. They can see the trampled dirt next to a tree where Clayton must of tied his horse. Some burnt logs from a fire and a flat spot in the grass next to it where he slept.   
Matthews heart soared. They are catching up! Within the next day they will get to him. The difficult part will be getting him to come home. Matthew swallows hard and does his best not to dwell on that fact. They will be returning with clay. They will.  
  
They only spend a few more minutes at Claytons campsite before setting off again. They push on in a trot for a while. A nice steady pace that will close some of the distance without tiring out the horses too much. They will go slow on the return to deadwood. Its nearing sunset when the see something moving in the distance. Aly stops and pulls out his binoculars. "I see someone on horse back!" 

Without a second thought he urges his horse into a run. "Matthew wait!" one of the women yelled. Probably Bella Mathew thinks she would be wanting to figure out a plan for confronting Clayton.   
Clay is relaxed in the saddle. His horse walking steadily. The sunset making this an almost beautiful sight. If things weren't so heart wrenching. All Matthew can think about is reaching the man he loves. He hopes god will give him the words to make his heart return with him to deadwood. He's maybe half a mile away before his target turns around for a second as if to stretch. If Clayton sees him coming, he doesn’t react. The only thing Clayton does is stretch his arms and adjusts his hat. At 100 yards away Matthew calls out. "Clay!" He's closing the distance quickly and Clayton shows no sign of stopping. "Clayton! Damnit turn around Sharpe!" Mathew steers Lucky in front of Clayton. Clayton doesn’t look at him just moves the reigns to the left so that his horse can walk around Matthew's.   
"Oh no you don’t. I'm not letting you off this easy" Matthew says reaching out for clayton but clayton moves out of his way.  
  
The emotions Matthew has been trying to keep down the last day and half boils over and without thinking Matthew wheels his horse around so he's coming at Clayton as if jousting. He leans over and throws a punch at Clayton. The blow lands and Clayton is caught off guard as he topples off his horse. Matthew dismounts quickly approaching the man on the ground. "The fuck was that for!" Clayton yells as he stands up dusting dirt off his duster. Matthew walks forward, anger coming off of him in waves. "Gee let me think." he says sarcastically. "It couldn’t be for all the fucked up shit you’ve done the past few days" Clayton tries to walk past him but Matthew grabs his arm. "get the hell off me" Clayton shrugs off the hand at his wrist and throws a punch towards Matthew. The others are almost caught up and are yelling for them to stop. Matthew deflects the blow and swings again. This time missing clayton so he sweeps a leg out to knock him over. Clayton grabs at Matthew's duster as he falls. The two begin to grapple at each other on the ground. Throwing punches when they can. Clayton rolls to get on top of Matthew. He does his best to pin Matthew's shoulders to the ground. " How could you clay?" Matthew spits out as he pushes up from the ground to roll them so he can pin Clayton. "I love you, you fucking moron! And you left me!" Clayton uses the momentum to continue the roll so he is on top again. His breath hitches as the words register and he stops trying to fight Matthew for a second before he leans down and kisses he man under him. This stops Matthew in his tracks. He reaches out a hand to snake it around the back of claytons head, deepening the kiss.

They break apart after a minute. Breathing heavy. Foreheads resting against each others. They both jump slightly at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Bella, Miriam and Aly are standing a few feet away from them. Clayton blushes slightly while he gets up off of Matthew. He reaches out to offer a hand up but the man still on the ground swats it away. He spits blood onto the ground from a split lip. Miriam is pinching the bridge of her nose muttering something about " stupid ass cowboys" Aly looks mildly amused at the entire thing. Bella starts to look for firewood. "May as well set up camp here". All of them look tired and dirty from riding hard.

Matthew gets up wordlessly and goes to grab his horse while Miriam turns on Clayton. She walks right up to him and points a finger into his chest. "Clayton Amos Sharpe! Please tell me what the actual fuck has gotten into you! Leaving without a word! Breaking all of our hearts and then fighting Matthew!" She slaps him right across the face " He started it" is claytons mumbled response rubbing at his cheek. Miriam chokes down hysterical laughter "Can you really blame the poor man after what you have done! The hell he has been through in the last two days. Besides that’s not the god damn point. I don’t give a rats ass who started it. I am ending it! " she stomps her foot" Now explain yourself Mr. Sharpe!" Tears of rage burn hot in her eyes as she glares up at the taller man. Despite being only 5 foot she is a force to be reckoned with and clayton knows that. He takes a small step back with his arms raised in surrender

\--------------------

Clayton had spent the day trying his damnedest not to think about Matthew or that shithole called Deadwood. He was hoping that Billings would be a good place for him for a little while. Its about as small as Deadwood from what he has heard. Not nearly as lawless though. And no un-fuckin-dead either. Of the many things he's done over the years he has never worked on a railway. Maybe just maybe he can follow the rail west. He starts thinking about what name he should go by once he gets to town.

Galloping hooves pull him out of he thought. He would bet all the gold in his pocket that he knew who it was. He pretends to stretch and takes a peak back. Matthew is charging towards him on horse back like his life depends on it. It's easy to imagine that this is what he looked like in his Calvary days. Matthew's jaw is set firm. He faces back forward and continues his way west. He knows it would be useless to try and out run that stubborn son of a bitch. Christ this is going to hurt more than getting shot in the chest   
"Clay!" He can hear Matty calling to him. It takes everything in him not to turn around. He cant drag that man through his past again. "Clayton!!! Damnit turn around Sharpe!" Matthew moves his horse in front of his own to cut him off. Clayton does his best to maneuver his horse around Matthew's. When the other man reaches out for him, Clayton shies away from the contact. He had been expecting this. What he wasn’t expecting was a perfect left hook thrown right at his face. Pain bursts behind his eyes and the next thing he knows is that he is on the ground and Matthew is dismounting quickly. 

"The fuck was that for?" Clayton yelled. Who knew the reverend could throw a punch that good. More words are exchanged and In the heat of the moment clayton swings on the reverend. Matthew deftly dodges the punch and swings a leg out to trip him. 'If I go down your going down with me' he thinks as he grabs on to Matthew. The two of them continue their brawl on the ground. Then everything stops when Matthew says Something that he only dreamed of him saying " I love you" That’s the moment when something snaps in him. He leans down and kisses Matthew with everything he has. He puts all his emotions into it. Trying to tell him without words Clay knows he would butcher.

They get up from the ground, Matthew walks away and the Miss Miriam is yelling at him. She slaps him and he just takes it. Clayton can hear the anger and hurt in her voice. He looks at Aly and Bella briefly and can see the hurt and confusion on their faces. He never meant to cause his friends so much pain. Jesus he really made a mess of things. He has friends for the first time in 16 years and he pulls this shit.  
He gave his lover a bloody lip. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Well.. um you see... its it's like I said in my letters.. I didn't want any of y'all getting hurt if my past came back to haunt me again. I've been hunted down once" he nods at Alyousis. "It could very well happen again. I don't want anyone getting shot at or having to go to the dealer over me. I'm not worth it.."   
"That's not your decision to make Sharpe" says Bella. "Now I don't speak for the other when say that you are a good friend and I'll be damned if I let anything happen to you." Miriam graves his chin and moves his head so that he's looking into her eyes "You are absolutely worth it sugar. You said it yourself ' we are stronger together' now quit your wallowing in self pity and go talk to him." She nods towards Matthew who has stayed by the trees next to his tied horse. 

And so he does. Grabs his hat from Sadie who had started to chew on the brim. He walks towards Matthew


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have some talking to do and one of the group plays a prank

Matthew has finished tieing his horse and has unloaded all of his gear. Not ready to join the group yet he starts to braid Sadie's mane. "Did you mean what you said?" Matthew turns and looks at Clayton who is standing a few feet away, looking down and is fiddling with something on his wrist. A bruise over his left eye is starting to bloom . "Yeah I did. And I'm not sorry bout it." Matthew looks at him almost definitely and Clayton doesn't know if he's referring to those three little words he said or punching him off of his horse. Clayton reaches out and wipes at the blood on Matthew's face from a split lip. "Good" he says softly "'cause I meant what I said in my letter.." "So you still love me?" "I could never unlove you Matthew Mason." He goes to pull his hand away from Matthew's face but before that can happen Matthew's hand grabs his own and covers it with his own, pressing it against the side of his face."Im sorry" its barely more than a whisper but he knows Matty heard.

Matthew feels somethin wrapped around claytons wrist. He lets the hand drop away from his face and examines Clay's wrist. His breath comes out quickly like he's been sucker punched. His rosary is wrapped around Clayton's wrist! Clayton follows Matthews line of sight down to the stolen rosary around his wrist. " I.. Uhh I wanted something to remember you by" Clayton says his voice low and rough with emotion. He starts to unwind it from his wrist but is stopped when Matthew says " You can keep it." Tears started to prick at his eyes. "Ohh Matty. " He leans up for another kiss. Matthew kisses him back. They stayed entwined with each other after breaking the kiss. Foreheads resting on each others for a time. Tears streaming down both of their faces. The smell of food cooking brings them back to reality. They entwine hands and walk over to the campfire.  
"'Bout time" Aly chuckles while dishing them up some food. The mood is a lot lighter now that everybody is together again and has a hot meal in front of them. Miriam breaks out her flask and pours everybody a general shot. They stay around the fire for some time. Arabella is laying on the ground with her knees bent, her head in Miriam's lap. Miriam is leaning against the tree and is playing with Bella's hair. Matthew is sitting on a log with Clayton sitting on the ground leaning against his legs. He has his hat in his hands and is muttering about the teeth marks his horse has left on it. Aly the obvious 5th wheel at this point is whispering sweet nothings to his rifle while he cleans 'her'. As a group the four of them wordlessly agree not to broach that one. If it weren't for the whirlwind of emotions, you would have thought this was just your average night on the road for them. It feels so natural like they all belong together. That’s when Clayton realizes that they do.. These five once strangers had formed their own little family. He has to swallow hard to tamp down the overwhelming guilt he feels for what he has done to. He vows to himself to pend the rest of his days making amends to these people that he has grown so fond of.

The moon is fairly high in the sky when Miriam says she will take the first watch. Bella having fallen asleep in her lap some time ago. Aly lays out on his bedroll and shuts his eyes. Matthew and Clayton both stand up. Matthew starts walking towards where their bedrolls are placed. "Take a walk with me?" Clay whispers. Matthew replies with a quiet, "sure." They join hands again as Clayton leads the way further into the trees. Within a few minutes they come to the banks of a slow moving wide stream. Clayton takes his shirt off before going to unbutton Matthew's. The faintest ghost of a smile on his lips before he kicks off his boots and quickly shucks off the rest of his clothes. With a running start he jumps into the water. Its been a long hot few days and the water cools his parched skin. "You comin in or what Matty?" Matthew finishes undressing and dives into water. Under the water he glides closer to where he knows Clayton is. He reaches out and finds Clayton's leg and gives it a tug pulling the gunslinger under the water with a yelp. Matthew surfaces laughing at Clays' yelp and the following sputtering. "That wasn’t fair!" Clayton says splashing at him. The two start splashing at each other laughing the entire time while trying their hardest to dunk the other. The play fighting turns into a lighthearted battle for dominance, arms snaked around each other. Hot, desperate kisses are had while treading water. Clayton wraps his legs around Matthew's hips while they make their way to shore or at least shallower water. Its slow work and Clayton rutting into him doesn’t make it any easier.

When at last he finds steady footing, he hoists clayton up higher gripping his ass. His tongue enters Clayton's mouth and he lets out a soft groan. Walking in waist deep water with someone in your arms and tongue down your throat is a lot more difficult than one would think. He is determined to get to the shore. His foot snags on a rock just as they are reaching calf deep water. Matthew stumbles but doesn’t fall. He doesn’t even drop Clay. Putting him down gently instead. Clayton disengages from Matthew just long enough to grab a thing of oil from his pants that were abandoned in the trees. He pours some onto his hand before reaching out to grab Matthew's hard length. Matthew keens at the sensation. Grabbing the oil from Clay. He grabs the other man and brings him down to the ground on top of him. Kissing the entire way and Clay's hand still on Matthew. Matthew shifts his weight so that he rolls them so that he is on top, much like during their fight earlier. He breaks the kiss to start working his way down Clayton's body biting and pressing open mouthed kisses the entire way. He oils up on of his fingers and starts to tease at Clayton's hole. Clay sighs and pushes down onto Matthew's hand. He works another finger into the entrance of Claytons body before scissoring his fingers in preparation. Fingers occasionally dragging against that spot inside of Clay that absolutely drives him wild. Clayton is positively writhing under Matthew at this point. Breath coming out in short bursts. "Matty. Need. You. In. Me. Now. " Each word punctuated with a breathy moan. The words and the sounds only adding to the heat pooling in his gut. 

Matthew pulls his fingers from Clay with deliberate slowness being sure to hit that sweet spot one more time before pulling out completely. There is a small sound of protest from Clayton's throat that is quickly replaced by a moan as Matthew begins to thrust into Clayton. Clayton reaches out and pulls Matthew's face back down to him. He bucks up to match each thrust of his lover's hips. There is nothing hurried about their actions and that just seems to just make this even better. Matthew's hips start to lose their rhythm and Clayton knows his release isn't too far behind. He clings on to Matthew's shoulders, bitten off fingernails biting delicious marks into his skin. Matthew comes with Clayton's name on his lips. Clay comes spilling onto his own stomach moments later. Matthew eases off of Clay and lays on his back next to him as they both try to even out their breathing. "We should be getting back soon" Matthew yawns. The men get up to get redressed. Very shortly they realize a big problem. Both of their clothes are gone!

All they can find is one boot a piece, Clayton's hat and Matthew's undershirt. Not quite sure what exactly happened to their clothes they give up looking and head back to the campsite. If they can make it to their saddle bags without being caught they will be okay. "you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!" Matthew mutters under his breath as they come into view of the fire. Both of their packs are sitting on their bed rolls on the other side of the fire. On top of the packs is a neatly folded pile of clothes. They stand in the trees awkwardly Matthew has his hands covering himself and Clayton is holding his hat very strategically. 

Claytons eyes might be playing trying on him but he thinks he can see the trace of a smile on Aly's face. He bet the swarmy son of a bitch is responsible for this. With a deep breath he bites the bullet and decides to walk over. Its not like they haven't seen each other in various states of undress before. Life on the road is not always the most modest. "Bella? Do me a favor and cover your eyes for me" he says. Bella makes a questioning sound but does as she is asked. Quickly Clayton grabs both pairs of pants from their gear. He pulls on one pair and throws the other at Matthew. " Clay" Matthew says quietly with a note of humor in his voice. "Those are my pants.." There quiet chuckling at the situation is joined by another booming laugh.

Aly is propped up on one of his elbows and is shaking with laughter. "Can I look now?" Bella asks slowly removing her hands from her face. "Yeah Bells we're good now." Matthew says a blush rising on his face. "Look at wha'? Wha's happening?" slurs Miriam who is looking around half asleep. The commotion having woken her up. "Its nuthin' Miriam." comes Claytons smooth reply. "Aly thought it would be fun to play a prank is all" He bends down to pick up a pine cone to throw at his laughing companion. 

"Alyousis! What on earth did you do now?" Miriam's sitting up at this point. "I thought I had asked you to go check on them." "I did. Found the lover boys by the stream. Didn’t want to interrupt their- uh conversation" Aly clears his throat " so I left them to it and came back"   
"You followed us?!" "You. Stole. Our. Clothes." Clayton and Matthew say at the same time. "I didn’t want them to get lost is all" Aly says as innocently as he can manage. Clayton looks at Miriam "And just why exactly did you send him after us?" "I was worried was all. Its been an intense day and you two disappeared into the woods without a word! Y'all've been gone a while" "We can disappear into the woods whenever we want, Miriam, we are adults. "


End file.
